Your Mom Goes to College – Back to School for Mom!

After a moderately successful first term in the College of IT at Western Governors University, I hit a wall. HARD.

Term 2 was a disaster. It got to the point where just thinking about schoolwork made me anxious and upset. Then it happened. I FAILED.
I failed my first attempt at the CompTIA A+ certification. That was the nail in the coffin. I truly wanted to quit school and not give it a second thought.

But it seems thoughts are my specialty and I decided that I really needed to sit down and think about why I was struggling so hard. It seems so simple looking back now, but I entered this program without thinking of what drives ME, what fuels MY passion, what sparks joy for ME. It wasn’t that I didn’t want my degree. It wasn’t that I wasn’t smart enough to complete a degree in IT. My HEART wasn’t in it. AT.ALL. So it was time to start asking some hard questions. What is it that brings me the most satisfaction? Helping others. And how do I help others in my daily life? Aside from helping students go back to school (which I love most days) Operation Valor. YES, Operation Valor brings me joy. Knowing that we are honoring the memories of our nation’s heroes, working with world class organizations that share the same vision, to honor, support, and empower our veterans, THAT is something that brings me a great deal of personal satisfaction. So, I thought about what I could do to improve my ability to share and promote an organization that means the world to me.

Decision made. That was the easy part. I had to appeal the decision by my school to withdraw me due to no academic progress. I had to go through the process of changing programs which included a two month term break. *turns out that break was very much needed for my mental well being* and now I am in my 1st term in the Bachelor’s of Science Business Administration – Marketing program at WGU.

My term started April 1st, I didn’t get access to my courses until April 2nd. Since that time I have completed 5 courses and am very close to completing my 6th with 2 more lined up waiting to start.

I don’t anticipate that I will continue at this pace, but it’s a very good feeling now that I am in a program that will help me develop the skills I need to maximize the impact that Operation Valor can have. As of today there are 22 weeks left in my term and I am determined graduate well before this anticipated graduation date!

Don’t be afraid to start over. Don’t be afraid to let go of something that is causing you pain or anguish simply because you’ve invested time in it. Don’t be afraid to fail. DO all of these things. Start over, let go, fail, then keep going.

I would love to hear about things you’ve let go of in your pursuit of happiness. How did you decide it was time? What did you do to make that change?

Time Flies, Memories and Gratitude

May Favorites: It's Gonna Be May - Constantine's Confections | It's gonna be may, Roses are red memes, Roses are red funny

I can’t believe it’s almost May. This year is flying by! Before you know it, it’ll be summer break and then poof, it’ll be Christmastime again!

It’s been an absolute whirlwind since my last post in January. We’ve had birthdays, a new administration, a crippling snowpocolypse in Texas, Operation Valor events, OCRs and weddings. Not to mention the daily excitement of in person learning, virtual learning for the kids, changing and starting a new degree myself, and trying to maintain a healthy work life balance while working from home. It’s been kinda crazy but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I think about sitting here to share my thoughts so often, but something always seems to pull me in another direction. In fact, I started writing this post on Monday and it’s now Wednesday and past my bedtime and I’ve completely forgotten what I’d initially intended with this post!

Maybe that’s just life’s way of keeping me on my toes, keep me searching my mind for what I want to share? So I’ll share what’s been on my mind today

April is a month of emotions for me. It’s been nearly 2 years since we almost lost Sean. I thank God daily for giving him back to us. There are times when April and May 2019 seem so long ago, and then there are times when it seems like just yesterday. Seeing all of the memories pop up on Facebook and Timehop keep the memories fresh and remind me of just how fragile life is. It is also a reminder of how much love I have in my life. So many people took the time in the last few days to send messages and post comments, it warms my heart that after two years, THEY haven’t forgotten how hard those days and weeks were. My heart is so full knowing that we truly are loved by our friends and extended families. Y’all helped me keep going then, and y’all keep me going now. Thank you for loving us!

 

 

 

 

The Weekly Chase 10 January 2021

Hello 2021!

2020 was a year of change wasn’t it?!

So many things happened that it’s hard to figure out where to start. Lots of life happened and eventually I’ll get around to writing about all of it, but for now I need to focus on getting back to ME.

Shortly after the wedding in March, COVID hit and while it was (and still is) a scary thing, it gave me a gift I’d been praying for for a really long time. It gave me the opportunity to work from home so I could be there for my family when they needed me.
Everyone in the house got COVID, workouts were long forgotten, eating habits deteriorated and I have since put on a lot of weight.

Excuses:

  • Covid
  • Knee injury
  • Tennis Elbow
  • Virtual learning
  • My own school
  • Sinus Surgery
  • Winter SAD
  • Missing my kids

that’s what they are…EXCUSES

I stopped taking care of myself in the name of ‘taking care of everything else’ and honestly, it’s bullshit and it needs to stop.
So we’re going back to basics.

Here’s the plan:

  • STOP EATING LIKE AN ASSHOLE
  • MOVE MY BODY WITH INTENT EVERY DAY (30 MINUTES)
  • DRINK A GALLON OF WATER
  • PRACTICE ONE ELEMENT OF SELF CARE EVERY DAY
    • This is something I’ve been really struggling with since realizing I’ve put on weight.
      • Shower, facemask, spa treatment, paint my toenails….anything that says “I love ME”
      • Read a book for fun
      • BLOG
  • DELEGATE HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITIES

That’s were we are. Pics and measurements will be updated Monday 1/11/21 and we’ll go from there.

Please tell me I’m not alone in the struggle to reclaim myself this year.
Drop a comment with something you’re doing to improve yourself this year. I need the encouragement y’all!

 

Much love,

Amanda

The Weekly Chase August 30, 2020

Well, hello there friends! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted something new, hasn’t it?!

I started this blog a long while ago as a mechanism to hold myself accountable and it worked….when I was actively posting.
There’s been quite a lot going on and I’ve really neglected this space, along with the accountability that came with it. As a result, I’ve just sort of let things slide. My fitness is nowhere near where it used to be, I’ve put on quite a bit of weight, and I’ve just been winging it in so many areas.

It’s time to get back into the swing of things, buckle down, dig in and do what I know I need to do. So armed with that knowledge, we are bringing back “The Weekly Chase.” This was NOT my original idea, in fact it came from another blogger whom I adore, Mindy Bobe who blogged at www.roadrunnergirl.com

The idea is to set intentional, weekly goals and check in on the progress of those goals. So here we go!!!

  1. Complete Modules 5-10 in IT Foundations
  2. Drink a minimum of 4 full tumblers of water each day
  3. Complete 5 days of C25K- no time or distance goal- just put in the work.

Seems simple enough, right?!  Well, let’s see how we do this week and reassess on Sunday!

Tell me- what are YOURE goals this week? Let’s use this space to hold each other accountable!

F&$k the 4am Club

**WARNING-THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE**
If you’re easily offended, please stop reading now

.

.

.

.

I recently had another mind blowing epiphany when it comes to my personal fitness journey and it rocked my world!

When I started out on this path I committed to becoming a better me. Every day try to be a little bit better than I was yesterday. Level up my life. For a long time, I was quite successful, I quit smoking, I started eating better, I registered for and ran my first marathon and was up at the ass crack of dawn to get my run in. All was great in the world. 4 am was my happy place, it was my ME time.

And then, it wasn’t.

Lots of life started happening…all at once.

Looking back over the last few years, lots of my “goals” included “get up at 4 and run.” Many, MANY mornings I just couldn’t do it. Between stress, depression and exhaustion, I could barely get myself out of bed to get to work on time. Every morning that I didn’t run added to my feelings of guilt and shame. I beat myself up constantly. I felt like a failure. Seeing morning “motivational” posts on social media created resentment toward myself. What is wrong with me? I must be LAZY? I am a FAILURE. I’ll never accomplish my fitness goals because I’m not motivated enough. My willpower must be lacking. I’m broken. I was frustrated with myself and becoming increasingly frustrated with the world around me. I tried all the tricks to force myself to be a morning person and I failed miserably.

I was celebrating small successes in other areas of my life; I earned my Associate Degree, made the President’s list, moved into a new apartment, but I was still struggling with my fitness and my feelings of self-worth. Every early morning workout missed deepened my self-loathing. I felt worthless. I started to seriously contemplate giving up on racing altogether. That thought broke my heart. Races gave me additional family, support, love and encouragement. I honestly felt like I was failing my running family too. I wasn’t becoming better every day, I was drowning.

I didn’t really talk about this with anyone. I’m supposed to be the encourager, everyone’s cheerleader. Why couldn’t I do the same for myself? I just let these feelings of inadequacy fester. It was a vicious cycle and I couldn’t escape it. Every morning I’d see this shit:

Image result for sleep with your dreams

It was a deafening noise that perpetuated negativity and hatred toward what I couldn’t force my body to do with any kind of consistency. The more of this I saw, the more I hated what I couldn’t make myself do.

Image result for workout early morning quotes

Until LAST WEEK.

YES, LAST FUCKING WEEK.

After literally YEARS of beating myself up for not fitting into this fit life box and this ideal of what fitness is SUPPOSED to look like, it hit me.

Image result for hit me like a ton of bricks

FUCK THE 4 AM CLUB!

Fuck this motivational bullshit that breeds feelings of inferiority and inadequacy if you don’t conform to the InstaFit ideals.

Because you know what?!?!

NO, it’s not fucking easier to get up in the morning…for ME.

Mornings are NOT where I thrive.

Getting up at zero dark thirty is NOT my happy place anymore.

When something isn’t working for you, stop trying to force it. Look at WHY it isn’t working. Find the reason and fix THAT. Stop trying to fix YOU, you’re not broken.

The moment I gave myself permission to tell the 4 am club in my head to fuck off, was the exact moment that my passion for running, my desire to run, my LOVE of running came flooding back into my soul. When I stopped making 4 am an unattainable goal and allowed myself to do what works best for me instead of what social media says works best, running became a JOY again.

I no longer feel ‘behind’ on my training, I no longer feel like a failure. I no longer feel like a disappointment.

I did have a good laugh at myself though…WHY did it take me so long to figure this out?!?! 

Image result for duh

I’m now running in the afternoons after work and before I picked up the little one. And you know what? I love it again. I let all that negative shit go. I run the stress of the day away, I run to clear my head and ready myself for the evening. I run because I want to, not because I’m supposed to and it feels AMAZING!

If you’re one of those folks who pop out of bed every morning with a smile, ready to tackle the world, that’s GREAT!

If you are a hardcore gym rat that thrives on the 4 am scene, that’s AWESOME!

If getting your workout in while the rest of the world sleeps helps you conquer your day, that’s FANTASTIC!

If you are one of those people, you’re AMAZING! I applaud you and you should totally be proud of your dedication.

However,

If you’re NOT one of those people…

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you’ve been struggling like I was, maybe it’s time for you to tell the 4 am club to fuck off too!Find what works for you and RUN with it 😉

June 17, 2020

Just checking to see if this even works anymore!!! It’s getting to be about that time where I pick myself up, dust myself off and once again try to get my shit together!!! Whatcha think?!

.

Ultimate Bacon Wrapped Filet with Butcher Box

**Disclaimer- Blogging is hard work, and it ain’t free. A girl’s gotta make some coin somewhere, so this post contains affiliate links. That means that if you click through and purchase, I will receive compensation. You should know by now that I’m not interested in blowing smoke up your @$$- I say what I mean and mean what I say, no apologies, ZFG! See FULL disclosure statement HERE**

Ok, let’s review. Look at that blurb at the top. I’m serious. LOOK.
Here’s the deal:
I linky, you clicky, I makey a little money.
Not enough for a vacation in the Keys, but hey….

Click the banner to visit Butcher Box

I have been wanting to try Butcher Box for a really long time so when I got the email that they’d be sending me a box, I totally happy danced all around the house! Ask Sean, he saw it and probably rolled his eyes in amazement that I would be THAT excited about a box of meat….I hear y’all snickering

I’d never done an “unboxing” video before, and admittedly, it was a mess, but hey, I tried~ go take a look and have a laugh at my expense HERE

Anywho, enough blabbering, let’s get to the meat of this post (ba dum tssss)

I’ve never EVER cooked a filet at home because quite honestly they’re not cheap and they tend to be fairly lean so I was TERRIFIED of screwing it up. Well, there was absolutely NO way I was going to let these sit in my freezer forever so I decided to take a stab at it.

I looked up basic cooking instructions and got to work. 

I thawed both medallions in tepid water and let them rest at room temperature while I got everything else ready. 

Preheat the oven to 450 deg f

On a large sheet pan, spread out a single layer of broccoli florets, sprayed with olive oil, dusted with grated Parmesan and slide into the oven.
Slice up some zucchini and get them started on the flat top on a medium-ish heat.

Heat olive oil in a cast iron skillet on high heat until it’s SCREAMING hot

Wrap each filet with a slice of bacon and sear on each side for 1 minute.

DO NOT TOUCH IT. 

Don’t wiggle it

Don’t move it around the pan

Just leave it alone.

This ONE minute will feel longer than a microwave minute, and infinitely longer than a treadmill minute

But I must insist

DO NOT TOUCH IT

After 1 minute, turn over and repeat

Listen to this glorious sound….If there is a heaven, I’m sure it sounds like THIS!

 

Take the skillet from the stovetop and place into the pre-heated, broccoli filled oven for about 7 minutes.

Remove from the oven and let it rest for 5 minutes or so.

This might be the most important step of the entire process. By allowing the meat to rest -WITHOUT stabbing it or cutting into it to check the doneness, you’re allowing the juices to redistribute throughout the cut of meat. 

Just trust me on this. Your patience will be well rewarded!

Look at the sear on THAT beauty!
Perfection on a plate

The ONLY problem I had with this meal is that I only got ONE filet for myself.
I probably could have eaten two and been quite content! All the more reason to place another order!

Due to the enormous popularity of the Butcher Box National Keto Day promotion, they’ve extended the deal through 1/16

New members receive the Keto Bundle that includes 2 lbs of wild-caught salmon, a 4 lb pork butt and one 10 oz pack of bacon for FREE in their first box!

Butcher Box is a meat subscription box that offers thoughtfully sourced meat free of antibiotics and hormones to your door for less than $6 per meal with FREE shipping! Choose from curated mixes of high quality grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken, and heritage-bred pork, or create your own custom Butcher Box!

 

Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020

It’s that time of year again. To reminisce about the past 364 days and boldly proclaim your intentions for the next 365! After all, it’s the thing to do! So here we are 😉

I have abandoned the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions in part because I actually hate doing what “everyone else is doing” but mostly because I have learned that life has a funny way of happening in ways that completely upset your plans. I’m learning that taking each day as it comes and doing my best each and every day is much less overwhelming, and much more doable for me. Don’t get me wrong, having goals and dreams isn’t a bad thing, it’s just that I’m learning what works for me.

The end of 2018 could never have adequately prepared me for the reality of 2019.
I had been accepted into the Occupational Therapy Assistant program and I was determined to make 2019 a year of personal growth and achievements. I’d decided to abandon FEAR, COMPARISON, INSECURITY, PERFECTIONISM, and the EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS. I had no idea how those ideals would be tested.

I started 2019 believing that my path was clear and that I would work methodically through the plan, and life would be normal, but alas, April 22 changed my year, my plans and my life.

I’d spent the better part of May and June by Sean’s side while he was in the hospital. There were moments when his senior medical team tried to prepare us for the worst, but I refused to believe he’d do anything but recover fully. He became known throughout the hospital as the “Miracle Man” and that was no exaggeration!

We decided that life was in fact, too short to spend any more time apart. So we found a house and P and I moved to Austin!
It has been a huge adjustment for all of us, but one that I would gladly do all over again.

Sitting here on a chilly gray first day of 2020 I can’t help but be excited for what the future holds.

I cannot change the past, I can only look forward and do my best to make the most of each and every day. And while life has caused me to make some dramatic changes, I can’t help but feel I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

So 2020 what DO you have in store for me? Truthfully, I have no stinkin’ idea, but I’m ready!

There you have it, no lofty mileage goals, no weight loss goals, no clean eating declarations. Just a promise to myself and my family to try to do the absolute best I can for myself and my family!

Gym Etiquette- Don’t be THAT guy!

We all know there are certain things you do at the gym because well….you’re supposed to- Wipe down your equipment, put your weights back in the rack properly, don’t sit on equipment if you’re not using it (aka 10 sets of 20 selfies with a lift or 2 sprinkled in for “pump factor”)

But would you EVER approach someone who is clearly ACTIVELY using a piece of equipment and tell them that they needed to move so you could use it? Would you walk up to someone in the middle of a lift and demand they hand over the bar? Ludicrous right?!?!  Well, that is exactly what happened today when I took my 2 youngest to the gym tonight.

Let me set the stage for you.  There are two gym facilities, one in the leasing office with all kinds of brand new fancy equipment and one closer to my apartment that houses the older not as pretty equipment. This gym is usually empty and even though the 3 treadmills kind of suck- no pause feature and no instructions or programmable workouts- it’s ok because when we go we generally have the entire gym to ourselves and I can put TV on for the kids to distract them enough to get my run in. **IF** the gym is empty I let them use the different machines because they’re showing an interest in fitness and not getting in anyone’s way. That being said, my kids know that if they’re just ‘playing’ and someone comes in to workout, they are to be respectful and allow the person to use the machines or equipment they need. In fact last week I was complimented on their excellent behavior in the gym when a young woman came in to workout in the weights section. My 2 littles were in the area and IMMEDIATELY moved out of that section so she could complete her workout without them being in the way. Proud mom!

They gym was absolutely empty when we arrived so we put Spongebob or something on the TV and I got started on my run. My son hopped on the treadmill next to me and started a series of sprint drills. Little P was alternating between walking on the treadmill next to brother and the elliptical next to me.

It was a beautiful picture! My heart was so happy to be sharing this with my children.

I could see a middle aged or older couple coming toward the gym. As they entered the facility, and began walking past us, little P stepped off the treadmill to get a drink. As she was walking back to the treadmill she was using the woman stepped in front of her and got on the treadmill. That was the beginning of my annoyance. Little P didn’t seem affected and she turned and walked over to me and started on the elliptical so I didn’t say anything.

Then it happened.

The man said LOUDLY while pointing to Little J,

“Hey, ya think can he get off of that?”

I said, “No, he’s not getting off. He’s using it.”

What the man said to me next nearly caused me to come completely unhinged. That arrogant jackass says, “well he’s not really doing anything so he needs to get off.”

I yanked the emergency stop on my treadmill and looked that asshat square in the eye and said, “My son is NOT getting off. He’s working out with his mother. He has just as much right to use it as anyone else.”

I was in absolute shock that this man would think that it was ok to act as if my son had no right to be in that gym. There are NO rules against children using equipment under parental supervision. And it’s not like they were playing around or acting disrespectful in any way.

The man grunted and grumbled and got on another elliptical. I could see him in the reflection of the windows giving me dirty looks.

The female that he was with proceeded to shout across us periodically that she was almost done and he could use ‘her’ treadmill, and he didn’t hesitate to make it clear to the now semi occupied gym that, “Oh no, it’s ok, he wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone by making them move.”

Immature. Grow up you elitist old fart.

I know my response could have been better. More mature. I was just so blown away that this man would have the nerve to say that.

What would you have done? How do you think I could have handled the situation better?

Mondays are HARD Y’all

I’m sitting here fighting back tears. Mondays are hard, and they’re not just hard for us grownups. they’re hard for our littles too.

Today was the first day back to school after an entire week off for Thanksgiving. Pey got herself up and ready at 4:45 this morning without so much as nudge from me! In fact, she was damn near ready to walk out the door before I even crawled out of my bed. She was ready to see her friends and ride her new scooter to school. She did great at that btw! I DID follow her to school just to make sure because I’m still THAT mom and I’m really struggling to let her go.

She was a tuckered out mess when she got home, I could see it in her face although she fiercely denied it. She was just “hungry.” Yeah…..Ok, Pey! Get a snack and let’s get started on your after school routine. I checked on her a few times and she was working hard, then it got quiet.

I just didn’t have the heart to wake her.

After a while she creeped out of her room. I guess that pork chop smelled too divine to miss! HA!

Now that she was awake and fed, it was time to get her homework done and study for a test coming up this week. Well that’s where the effing wheels came off. We had an epic meltdown about the homework, then once I thought we’d gotten through THAT, we had another meltdown because it was bedtime. I hadn’t considered that she’d taken a decent nap, so we negotiated a later bed time on the condition that she read a book for 15 minutes first. THEN she could have a bit of free time before bed.

She was putzing around about getting her book, so I looked at the clock and said, “Ok, now you need to read until 9:21 because you’ve been standing there NOT getting started.”
That was followed with a huff, an eyeroll and some stomping feet toward the bedroom. 5 years ago Amanda would have lost her shit and possibly dealt her a healthy ass whoopin. But I didn’t. deep breath Amanda..deep breath…

Cue another, even MORE dramatic meltdown, complete with whining, alligator tears, “I’m sorry”s and “I’m not tired”s.

We had a nice little talk about what “tired” looks like and how “actions, not words” are how we judge people. And she was sent off to bed still mad at me with tears in her eyes and a scrunchy up nose. Nobody likes consequences for attitude 🙁

Mondays are hard on us all sometimes. Parenting is hard.
I don’t know if I’m doing this right, but I know I’m doing the best I can.

Mondays are hard, and sometimes it’s best to put yourself to bed even when you don’t think you’re tired and be thankful that you’ve been given the hard days, so that when the good days are here, we enjoy every moment of them <3